Inside my head!
by Cha-Cha
Summary: Why was Sheppard not willing to stay put in the quarentine? When McKay finds a healing device we find out why...


**Author: Cha-Cha **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show so please don't sue!**

**A/N: This is set just after the episode where the base is put under quarantine. Sorry I never can remember names of episodes! I've added a little bit while I was tiding up some mistakes I spotted. Thank you very much for the reviews, I'm glad you enjoyed it!**

**Warning: an Original Character dies.**

The four of them sat in the briefing room. Dr Weir at one end with Sheppard and McKay sat on one side of the table while Teyla sat on the other. Ford was with another team investigating some ruins. It had been Fords turn to accompany the scientists!

'So you have no idea what it does?' Elizabeth asked the scientist who held a small oval metal object in his hand. It was completely black apart from a silver circle in the middle on the top. Apart from that, it was completely smooth.

'Well, we have found a text which goes with it which mentions something about healing the head and we have managed to detect a very slight energy reading but apart from that we were sort of hoping we could borrow the Majors magic touch.' McKay replied 'My gene doesn't seem to be strong enough.'

Weir nodded giving the go ahead for John to pick it up.

Picking it up the device started to become pleasantly warm while a sight high-pitched sound began to come from it. Lifting it nearer to his face, a bright light flashed through the room but not before the device embedded itself into the Majors hand. Before any of them could make a sound blackness consumed them all.

'Where are we?' Sheppard's voice laced with confusion.

'I have no idea!' Rodney answered looking at their surroundings.

Near him Teyla and Elizabeth stared. All around them was a seemingly endless chasm of darkness, however large bubbles were dotted around everywhere with clips in almost like televisions. The bubbles gave off light revealing a clear path through all of them.

Stepping closer to one of the bubbles, John felt a strong heat emanating from it. Without knowing why, he leant forwards and touched it.

'Major I wouldn't do tha-' McKay started but it was too late.

The bubble started to grow bigger and bigger until it was the same size as the Major before silently exploding.

'Oops' John commented before noticing they weren't in the chasm any more. Instead they were by a large lake with a few small log cabins some metres back from the lake. Around these main features were hundreds upon hundreds of trees causing the area to be quite a small clearing.

'John, where are we now?' Weir asked.

'I do not recognise this place.' Teyla commented to no one in particular.

'Oh no, we're at the lake where I used to go on my family holidays!' Sheppard suddenly realised recognising the scenery.

'On Earth.' Teyla added. It was then she noticed a gang of boys running towards them. Before she could move however they had run right through her and the other Atlantis people.

'What's so bad about that?' Elizabeth asked still trying to comprehend the situation.

'We stopped going here when I was ten.' John murmured not answering Weirs question.

'Of course! Healing the mind! We're inside the Majors head!' McKay exclaimed as the pieces fitted together.

'What!' Weir and John jumped at the same time.

'Think about it, these aren't my memories, I've never been here but the Major has. Also the device said about healing the mind so when the Major touched it, it sensed there were things which needed to be healed so it put us all in here to I don't know, heal something!' Rodney explained.

'So how do we get out of my head!'?

'Maybe we're supposed to heal whatever needs to be healed.' Teyla commented.

'Great!'

Turning their attention back to the gang of boys, they saw them strip off their tee shirts and trousers before leaping into the lake trying to see who could make the biggest splash.

It wasn't long before they were back out of the lake again and holding a competition on who could make the biggest splash.

Is that you over there?' Teyla asked pointing to a ten-year-old boy who had the same deep brown hair and coloured eyes as the Major did now.

John smirked and shook his head.

'ALEX!' a woman yelled from behind the group.

Jumping slightly, they spun around to see quite a small lady with shoulder length black hair, which contrasted, with her very pale face. She was dressed simply in a pair of jeans and a loose jumper. By her side holding tightly to her trousers was a little 2-year-old boy with quite fair hair. His eyes were full of fear as he stood there in his baby blue dungarees and white tee shirt clutching his toy aeroplane.

'That's me!' John told them slightly embarrassed.

'Yes Mom?' the boy called Alex, the same boy Teyla had mistaken for the Major, came running up dripping wet.

'I want you to look after John for about half an hour.' The woman told him.

'But…' the boy started.

'No buts, don't look away from him for a second. He gets in enough mischief with me watching him. Understand!'

'Yes Mom.' The boy gave in releasing a sigh before taking his brothers hand and headed back towards the lake.

The woman smiled before heading back to the cabin.

The others looked at John curiously at what kind of mischief he got up to. He just put on his most innocent expression.

'Okay listen up brat, I don't want you here, none of us do so you sit here and don't do anything. Don't make a sound, don't move and if you tell Mom anything I will make your life a misery got it!' Alex suddenly turned around, pushed John to the floor and threatened him quietly.

Without realising it, the group found themselves by the small boys side who was doing his best not to cry.

'McKay as fun as this is watching my brother pick on me, is there any way we could get out of here or at least change memories?' John asked, not particularly wanting to relive this. The scientist shook his head.

'Why did Alex be so mean to you, surely since you were brothers you would have gotten a long?' Teyla asked, confused by the boys behaviour.

'It was because I'm eight years younger and his half brother. He didn't want me around when he wanted to be with his friends and he thought I was stealing his mother away from him.' The Major answered with a slight bitterness in his voice.

'Half brother?' Teyla picked up as another phrase she hadn't heard before.

'Yeah, Alex's Father died before he was born and his mother remarried then I was born.' John explained, his eyes not leaving the two year old that the 10 year old was dutifully ignoring.

Before their eyes, the small boy got up and walked closer to the edge of the lake where the boys were playing.

'Go away brat!' a different boy called over to him.

'Your not old enough to play with us!'

'Go back to your mother and leave us alone!' they shouted at him before swimming into the centre of the lake, well away from the hurt child.

'Oh no, no no no!' John began to mutter as he remembered why he had blocked out this memory.

'What is it?' McKay asked seeing the panicked expression.

'I decided to try and prove to them I could be as grown up as them!' the worried Major explained.

Realisation dawned on the others as they watched him pull off his shoes and jumped in. Dashing to the edge of the lake they watched as he struggled to the surface before going back under again.

'Could you not swim Major?' Teyla asked as they helplessly watched him drowning.

'My mother considered me too young but after this she forced me to go every day for three years.'

'Hey where's your brother?' one of the boys suddenly asked from where they were swimming.

'Oh he jumped in a few seconds ago, he should be joining us in a few minutes.' Another replied.

'WHAT! John can't swim!' Alex exclaimed as he began to swim as fast as he could to where he had seen the child a few moments before.

It took only a few dives before he came back up with the unconscious boy.

At the same moment, the children's mother came running down the slope. As she reached the waters edge, she began checking for his pulse. Seconds later a tall man joined them.

'Is he okay?' the man asked taking off his jacket and wrapped it around his son.

'I've got a faint pulse, we need to get him to a hospital!' the woman replied, picking him up and running towards the cabin.

'We'll meet you there; Alex and I are going to have a few words!' the man told her before she left, anger pouring away from him in floods.

Just as the four of them had entered the memory, they once again found themselves in the great chasm.

'What happened when you reached the hospital?' Teyla wanted to know, curious what happened next.

'I stayed there for about three weeks with hypothermia.' Sheppard answered.

'What is Hypothermia?' Teyla questioned him a bit more.

'It's where you become too cold so they have to warm you up again. Not nice.' John replied with his usual grin before asking McKay once again on how to get out. 'Okay I've remembered something I purposely forgot, when can we go?'

'Maybe this wasn't what you need to be healed.' Weir suggested trying to peek into other bubbles without being drawn into them.

'Well how do I know which is the right memory?' Sheppard asked, exasperated.

'Okay, lets think about this, the memory we were sucked into wasn't a pleasant one for you, right?' McKay started, John nodded, 'So how did it feel, the bubble that is. Maybe if there's a certain feel to them we can narrow down where we need to go.' Rodney suggested.

'Worth a try don't you think?' Weir agreed.

'It was…warm' he remembered, 'it felt almost angry.' Not entirely keen on having to share his memories, he started the search for the memory that would release them from his mind.

'Okay we're looking for a hot angry bubble!' Rodney summed up.

Carefully looking in each bubble, they quickly ruled some out. Some were embarrassing memories while others were funny ones. Fortunately it was Sheppard himself who found most of the embarrassing ones, however Weir did manage to find one that she raised her eyebrows at causing the Major to blush.

'I think I've found it!' Teyla called over after what seemed like an age of searching.

Going over to where the Anthosian was standing, they instantly felt the heat and anger pouring away from it.

'I believe your right.' Weir agreed.

'No please, not this one!' Sheppard begged.

'Major, unless you face this, none of us will ever be able to leave your mind.' McKay told him in his usual blunt way.

'God I'd hoped it was a different one!' the distraught man whispered barely loud enough for them to hear.

Surprised at her usual calm Major suddenly becoming g so panicked, Elizabeth wondered what had happened.

'Major, we are here with you, we will help you face this.' Teyla reassured him.

Taking a deep breath he touched the bubble. Once again it began to expand until it exploded and they found themselves in a large kitchen.

It was a pale blue kitchen with grey surfaces going around the outside. In one corner a cooker stood with a sink next to it.

In the centre of the room there was round wooden table with two chairs around it. Everywhere you looked the surfaces were clear except for the table where magazines covered it.

Watching from a corner of the room, they saw a woman about the same height as the Major entered the room. She had longish pale brown hair with bright blue eyes. She wore a pair of deep blue trousers and a pale blue shirt as though she was about to go to work soon.

Dumping her plastic bag on a work surface, she found herself a plate and some Marmalade before putting some toast into the toaster. Shaking her head she began to pile up the magazines before moving them onto a different surface. Going back over to her bag she grabbed a book before sitting down in a chair and opening it up.

Seconds later a smile emerged as though she had just found something. However at that precise moment the toaster went. Catching her flying toast as it flew out of the toaster she put the spread on and began eating.

She had barely managed two bites when one of the three doors in the room opened and a bleary eyed, younger looking Major wandered out. Dressed only in his military boots and trousers, he immediately went over to the chair the woman was sat on before removing the tee shirt on the back and putting it on.

'Okay, 46922 times 9734 minus 4 times 4793.' The woman asked him with a grin.

'45671965 and good morning to you too!' John replied with a quirky smile.

'You will never cease to amaze me that you can do that!'

'And you will never stop trying to find a sum I can't do in my head!' The woman shook her head with a slight giggle.

At this revelation that the Major was a lot smarter than he let on the others stared at him.

'I'm taking it your not going to forget that too easily are you!' He asked them.

'How come you never mentioned you were a Maths genius!' McKay demanded.

'Never came up and I don't really advertise it!'

Shaking their heads in amazement they turned back to the scenario that was playing out in front of them.

'So if we're married for the next 60 years and you give me one sum a day you will have asked me approximately 21915 questions then adding in the next three days that will make it 21918 questions!' John continued while leaning behind her on her chair before kissing the top of her head, taking a bite out of her toast and darting out of the way of her playful swipe.

'Hey! Get your own!' She exclaimed good-humouredly.

'Why, yours always tastes better!'

'Ha Ha! So I was thinking maybe we could go to a lecture tonight on astrophysics I believe by a Dr. McKay, interested?'

'You're mad!'

'Scientists prerogative!' Amy retorted.

'Besides he's probably some really old guy who drones on about some boring subject for hours on end like the last guy you took me to listen to!'

Sheppard winced as he heard himself telling her what he thought of Rodney while the others looked at him once more in surprise. Rodney however just looked indignant.

'I didn't know you then!' he tried to cover up his mistake which did seem to wash away most of the hard feelings, although they all knew they were only for show.

'So do you want a lift in?' Sheppard asked as he grabbed a piece of bread and put it in the toaster.

'Pardon?' the woman asked.

'I said do you want a lift in?'

'Damn, hearing aid batteries gone!' she swore. Turning to her fiancé, she signed to him.

'Major?' Dr Weir asked for a translation for the sign language the pair had switched to.

'She asked if I had any batteries for her hearing aid, she was completely deaf in one ear but they were able to fit a hearing aid in the other.' Sheppard explained, 'I replied that I didn't and that she had used the last of them.' Suddenly the woman switched back to speaking.

'You are terrible at sign language!' she told him with a smile. John gave a mock bow, knowing it wasn't good.

'I not any! When has that ever been a sentence.'

'Since I used it!' He retorted, 'Come on Amy, we'd better be going, we can stop off to get a battery on our way home.'

The scene began to fade as the two of them left the room

'I think the device must annotate some memories.' McKay told them quietly beginning to realise where this was beginning to go.

The scene faded back in as the scene changed to one from a locker room. On the bench the younger John sat talking to another air force officer. The next sound caused all in the room to jump as a loud siren went off and a panicked voice came over the intercom.

'BREACH! BREACH! EVACUATE ALL NON AFFECTED PERSONAL!'

On their feet, they grabbed the HAZMAT suits near to them and quickly put them on.

'Amy!' John gasped, hoping she was okay.

'Alright you lot, you all heard the announcement, Jacobs and your team will secure the inside, make sure all the clean people get into a designated safe area to be tested, Sheppard, you'll be in charge of the team outside. Spread out and make sure no one else gets in or out by any means. Understood!' A large older man yelled at the congregated soldiers.

Running out of the room, the groups split up and began to get to their posts. Without moving the group seemed to move along with the younger Sheppard through the halls until he slowed by the gate outside the barracks.

Time passed quite quickly as they watched the orange soldiers lead the scientists out of the laboratories. Try as they might they couldn't see Amy anywhere.

_'We have scientists trying to escape. Shutting down power to that area.'_ A voice over the radio informed them of what was happening inside. '_Sir should we go and check that area in case they get through?'_

_'No, there's no way they will.'_

More time passed before the radio suddenly sprung into life '_Sir I happened to be passing the door to the sealed off area and their open. Advise.' 'Find the missing scientist before they infect anyone else!'_ Came the angry reply.

Keeping an eye on things, the younger John spotted someone climbing out of a window that had been broken open. Running over to there he commanded the scientist to turn around.

The only difference to her from that morning was that she was wearing a lab coat and her hands were covered in huge ugly welts. Not hearing him she turned around ion her own accord, jumping in surprise at seeing him there.

'I'm sorry John, I'm infected!' She told him, tears flowing down her cheeks. 'I never heard him come up behind me, he grabbed my hand begging for a cure but it's nowhere near ready and…' she broke down completely.

Knowing he was protected he held her tightly until she had finished before stepping backwards.

'Shoot me!' she requested.

'What!' John exclaimed.

'There's no cure and the death I'm facing is excruciating! The safe bacteria they were breeding mutated a few days ago and I couldn't find a cure in time, I'm sorry!'

'Amy I can't do that! Ask me anything but that!'

'Please John, you can make it quick and painless, if I go back in there it could be days. Please, I'm begging you!' she pleaded, the tears once again flowing. Reaching forwards she raised his gun towards her and nodded for him to do it.

Closing his eyes, something he knew he shouldn't do, he pulled the trigger, knowing it went against everything he felt.

Dropping the gun, he dashed forwards, grabbing her falling form and lowered her to the ground.

'Thank you! Thank you!' She told him, a sad smile forming across her face, 'and here I was thinking you were going to be the one jilting me, I guess I'm jilting you instead.'

'You aren't! I'm so sorry I killed you!' John told her, watching her life fade away.

'No you didn't, I was dead the second he touched me. I don't deserve you, you made me happier than I've ever been, I'm glad I never had to live my life without you. Love you!'

'Love you too.' John replied. With her last bit of strength she tried to pull the engagement ring off to hand it back.

'No, you keep it, I gave it too you for life, doesn't matter how long our life together was.' Sheppard stopped her.

'Thank you and sorry!' she spoke her last words before drawing her last ragged breath.

Tears flowed down the young mans face as he held her fallen form.

Two large men came up behind him; easily picking him up they pulled him into one of their infamous hugs that could squeeze the life out of you. This was the only time he had not minded them.

'Sheppard! York! Thomas! What the hell is going on here?' The large General asked as he came up behind the group.

All three men stood to attention, the tears still flowing.

Not allowing Sheppard to speak, they told him 'Requesting three weeks off.'

'Why!' came the reply.

'Because thanks to this pathetic excuse for a quarantine Captain Sheppard was forced to shoot his fiancé!' the other man replied, almost daring him to say no.

'Had there been any other reason I would have you court marshalled! Request granted!'

Before the scene faded away, John noticed tears being hastily wiped away by the two Doctors, while Teyla just pulled him into a silent hug.

The scene faded away while darkness swept in.

Opening their eyes they found themselves in the infirmary with all four beds in a square. The device embedded in the Majors hand released itself healing the hand as it did it.

Seeing his patients awaken Carson instantly went into a stream of Scottish causing his four patients and the on looking Ford to give him a confused look.

'Sorry, good to see you awake, anyone care to explain to me what happened?' the Doctor asked still slightly annoyed at whatever experiment had caused his patients to go into comas.

'Device McKay found caused everyone to go into my head!' Sheppard replied. Shocked at the answer he was given he instantly gave off another long stream of Scottish while examining the area of the hand where the device was and checking each of them to make sure they were okay.

Before he could apologise again, Dr Weir spoke, 'Could we have a second between the four of us.'

Seeing there was something they urgently needed to discuss, the two men did as they were told.

'You have five minutes.' Carson told them as he left the room.

'I suppose that's the reason why you wouldn't stay put during the quarantine.' Weir stated. Sheppard nodded sadly.

'I am sorry for your loss Major.' Teyla added; Rodney nodded in agreement.

'You've faced the memory but I have a feeling whatever was causing it to need to be healed hasn't been.' Weir asked him.

'I took a long while for me to forgive myself on what I did, it took even longer to get over her death, even now I'm not sure I have but the one person I cannot forgive is the General in charge of the base. If he had sent someone to guard the door she would still be alive.'

'So I guess now all I have to do is win your trust that I'm not like him.' Weir confirmed.

'Okay times up, you've all been unconscious for three days. I want you to properly rest!' Carson told them as he entered the room catching the stifled yawns.

Lying back down, at least two people felt a lot better; Elizabeth now felt she knew why the Major had disobeyed her orders and the Major for finally releasing some of his pain. Teyla and Rodney both felt they knew the man a lot better, although McKay was defiantly going to have another talk to him about his maths skills!

The End.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed it, please do review and if I have got anything wrong please tell me!**


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